I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
