do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
