come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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