Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
