she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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