How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?