I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.