Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg