Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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