oh god the rape fog is back!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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