I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
