adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
