Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
