I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
