We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
