hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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