sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
