So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I checked into jail on foursquare
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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