your parents love me but you hate me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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