someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
