you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
