He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
