when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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