We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize