Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Come on in and take your pants off
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