Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
