I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
