i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i came on her dog
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
