man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
