i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
