I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
