Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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