DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i will never coherently bang her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
