Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
