#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
