i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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