The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
