Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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