i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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