His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
