apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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