Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
