If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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