this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
