don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
