The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
