I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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