i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
