you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
