Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
