he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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