Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
