pop tarts are not kleenex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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