direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How external is "for external use only"?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
