Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
