I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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