So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
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bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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