I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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